Pop'n Music: the Broccolana War
by officialmzdmommy
Summary: The story of two teams, both that cover their crotches with a certain produce product. On one side; broccoli. On the other; banana. Who will win? Roku, a former broccoli, knows that he can slow down the ripening process of a banana by wrapping the ends in plastic wrap. But what if he could give one special banana...a better life? (Rated Teen for profanity and a few innuendos)
1. Chapter 1-Prologue

BACKSTORY:

Two plant-households, both alike in dignity,  
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,  
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.  
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes  
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;  
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows  
Do with their death bury their produce' strife.  
The fearful passage of their green-mark'd love,  
And the continuance of their yellows' rage,  
Which, but their bro's end, nought could remove,  
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;  
The which if you with patient ears attend,  
What here shall miss, the broccoli and banana toil shall strive to mend.


	2. Chapter 2-Coolin' it

CHAPTER 2: COOLIN' IT

 _ **Scene:**_ _A shadowy alley off the coast of Verona, Italy-Japan. There are produce ads scattered all over the concrete floor. Three broccoli members are chilling, wearing nothing but one ripe piece of broccoli to cover their crotches._

"Mmm," MZD said as he gently chomped on a piece of broccoli with his enamel powerhouses.

"Whatcha doing?" Roku asked in wonder when he saw the terrifying sight that was MZD eating the dead, steamed symbol of their broternal love that no one is sure why anti-vegetarians aren't making a big deal about.

"Say what you want, but don't you think you sound stupid saying that?" MZD oh-so-curiously asked his broccoli broski with the power of his miraculous vocal cords.

Before the samurai could answer, a gunshot sound, with the sound of…I don't know, a gun, went off from another questionable street. Screams muffled like those of my unfortunate neighbors could be heard from a nearby building.

"You guys said it too early," Jack said. "I need to tell my part of the story."

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JACK'S PART OF THE STORY

The subordinate was walking back home after a grocery shopping spree. Jack had bought the entire store's supply of chocolate, nine cartfuls of those crab cakes, and seventeen egg cartons. Why eggs, you ask?

"So let me get this straight," Jack said to MZD on the phone earlier, "You want me to buy seventeen _eggs_?"

"That's seventeen egg CARTONS," MZD replied. " You see, I like to surround myself with the very beings that got me to where I am today."  
"You mean broccoli?"  
"Hell yea."  
"Sometimes I worry about you," Jack sighed.  
"Says the child who can't live a day without hacking up a lung," MZD sneered. The kiddo was then greeted by the other end of the phone hanging up on him immediately.

Anyways, Jack was now walking to the broccoli hut to drop the eggceptionally eggstreme burden that was the seventeen cartons of eggs. Just when he arrived on his block, something happened that could be seen as a bit creepy to anyone outside the meme team. For it was none other than…the banana boys. Well, Nickey, Smile, and Masamune to be exact.

 _(Keep in mind that like the broccoli boys and their broccoli crotches, the banana boys also had nothing on but…well…banana crotches. Except for Masamune, because his helmet is pretty much a banana.)_

"Stop right there young man," Masamune said, pulling out a gun. "That's quite a lot of eggs you have there. And I'm afraid that overcrowding living creatures in a small living space is against the law, child."  
"Oh stop worrying so much Masamune~!" Smile said. " Yuli owns much more than seventeen lovely bats in his castle and so far he hasn't been put on trial."  
"Um, may I ask how many bats, to be exact?" Jack said.  
"Too many," Nickey replied, as he was picking up some rocks near the curb that looked like dongs and placing it in his rock collection bag.  
"Well, I don't care what you guys think," Masamune shouted. "I, the great Banana-Warrior of Sendai, will put an end to this right now! Eat my guns, you insolent child!"  
"Not if I have anything to do with it!" Jack sent out his two iron-fist things that appear in his FEVER! animation.  
"Oh geez," Smile sighed, throwing potions of who-knows-what into the fray.  
"Ayyyy lmao," Nickey said, still picking up rocks.  
And before you could say Hip Rock 4,622, the seventeen cartons of eggs were erased of their existence by the powers of gun, gun, and more gun….powder.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"What in tarnation is going on here?" MZD was outside the alley, wanting to see what all of the ruckus was about. He told Roku to keep watch of the door to the broccoli hideout entrance, so he missed out on all the action, I guess. When the god saw his broccoli brethren splattered on the pavement, he let out a ghastly scream. "My…my..cHILDREN!"  
Masamune, Jack, and Smile all stopped fighting with their weapons, and stood there for a moment. Then they all packed their bags and high-tailed it out of there, afraid of whatever consequence MZD would not give because of his ever crippling trait of crippling apathy that all of the broccoli members shared.

"MZD…I'm sorry dude," Jack was looking at his broccoli to avoid eye contact. Probably not the best idea. "It was an accident…how about I make it up to you by taking you out to dinner?"  
"Dude, no homo…" MZD said. "Remember? We live in Italy-Japan. The mass producer of all things supporting heteronormativity. We can't do anything that….bonds our relationship…..which we don't have."  
"But…this is bromo." Jack said. At that moment, Jack ripped off his face, now a face mask, revealing the real identity of this mysterious homo- I mean hetero sapien- Wilhlem.

"WhaT THE HECK?" MZD said. "If you wanted to keep Jack so badly, why didn't you just say so? I'll go get him-"  
"I didn't," Wilhelm replied. "I was paid by Jack to do this errand. The truth is, he's at the hideout with Roku, blogging about cauliflower at this very moment."  
MZD stood there, giving Wilhelm the why-would-you-do-that-what-a-digital-dummy look.  
"B-but can Jack be back home by twelve? We need him for—"  
MZD shut the door, and made a rude gesture at Wilhelm through the window, but if you ask me, he looked kind of dumb with his finger and his thumb in the shape of an L on his forehead.


	3. Chapter 3-Smash the Banana

CHAPTER 3: CRASH THE BANANA

 _ **Scene:**_ _A smexy part of town where the cats are catty and the dogs are doggy. Or uh y'know, the banana crew's hideout. Loud music is blaring while Roku and MZD are driving their broccoli-mobile. Please do not ask me for pictures._

"Driver, please stop for-" said Roku from the backseat of the wheeled, gasoline-powered vehicle.  
"Why are you calling me Driver? I'm your god," stated MZD.  
"Please stop for a minute at that obviously yellow-colored base," Roku persisted. "What's going on in there?"  
"You were the one who asked me…but it appears to be…nothing… I don't think we can even get in there without getting arrested," stated MZD.  
"Well, I would care to attend," responded the gorgeous cat-hoarder. "I am feeling a little lonely tonight, and I feel like something special might happen there. Also, because yolo."  
"Ayyyy," Jack said from inside the trunk before coughing furiously. He was still recovering from the egg explosion.  
"See?" MZD jabbed, "I told you he couldn't go a day without hacking up a lung."

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Once MZD busted Roku inside, the samurai found himself in (big surprise), the banana house. Luckily for him, there was a party going on, so Roku was easily able to hide himself.  
Nickey pushed up his unnecessary bra-straps to get Masamune's attention, but the man of the night didn't even notice him and his nosebleed from LAST YEAR.

"My name is Masamune," he declared boldly as he walked into an opening in the crowd. He suddenly stopped when a certain blue-haired man that closely resembled Sonic the hedgehog caught his eye.  
Roku debated for a split second whether or not to leap out the window, like it was the diving section of the Olympics and he was going for the gold. In this case, Masamune was the gold because WOW, what a hot momma. Seriously, go google this man.  
"Hey, what's your name?"  
 _Shitshitshit,_ Roku thought to himself, _whatever you do man, don't say Roku don't say Roku dO NOT SAY—_  
"Uhhh, Roki." Roku replied without any form of sarcasm in his voice, not in Spanish or Italian.  
"Uh that's weird…I thought you were an old lady though?" Masamune questioned, his dark hair flowing like a dark river. "Whatever. So…why are you alone?  
"Why are _you_ alone?" Roku asked confidently.  
"Because I may/may not have accidentally exploded my ex-wife with my new bombs." He paused, like a remote control. "But I don't understand why you were alone. You are such a handsome man."  
"You're right," Roku said in a very subtle sarcastic way that not everyone understood at first, just like his mother had told him. "I MEAN—"  
But the damage was already done. Masamune took Roki—-I mean, Roku's hand, and he slapped him. Smile, who definitely was not aware that Roku had snuck in before this, did not enforce the "keep your hands to yourself" rule. This was because he saw how important this all was to his leader (if you can even call Masamune that). At that moment, he decided to give his bloodied pal Nickey a high-five.

"Would you care to join me in my next mission?" Masamune asked.  
"Yes," Roku spoke. "B-but first I must ask you something that I've been thinking about that has also been on my mind. Am I gonna get punk'd?"  
"I would never punk you," Masamune winked like a dying moose. "Not without killing you anyway." he then dismissed Roku with a wave of his hand. "I guess I'll see you later then ;)"

As the two of them left their separate ways, Smile's well…smile, disappeared, realizing what just happened. Still gripping onto Nickey's swollen hand, he let out an evil, sinister grin when he suddenly thought of an idea.

Some serious shit was about to go down.


	4. Chapter 4-Flipnote Bananatena

after 3 months of being in the Roku War™, I am back with...another chapter.

CHAPTER 4: FLIPNOTE BANANATENA

 _ **Scene:**_ _Outside the banana abood—I mean, abode. Smile and Nickey are huddled in a corner, watching the broccoli-mobile whizz away._

"Disgusting," Smile whined.  
"Geez, what's got your panties all up in a wad?" Nickey asked innocently—for once. "It's not like this isn't the first time that blue porcupine's stolen your man—"  
"MASAMUNE IS NOT MY MAN," Smile screamed. He doesn't like to be presented with the facts. "He's our LEADER, Nickey. We can't have him getting all cuddly-wuddly with that scumbag of a samurai."  
"Wait, but aren't they both samurai tho?" Nickey interrupted the ghost like a tortoise in the middle of a traffic jam. "So which one's the scumbag?"  
"You know exactly what I meant," Smile groaned. Sometimes he wonders how Nickey even got into the group. "Anyways, I have a plan."  
"Give it to me, dog."  
"So basically, after this party's over which I think it is, we follow the wagon—I mean, uh…broccoli-mobile back to MZD's place. Then while the homos are asleep, you go and shank Roku."  
Nickey was almost asleep by the time Smile had finished his mini-lecture, like Melissa Bell and her Ashton Kutcher fanfiction. "But…you're a ghost. Wouldn't it make more sense if you went—"  
"ACTUALLY! I have a better idea!" Smile suddenly exclaimed. "How about I go into the base instead! Since I'm like, a ghost and everything."  
"…Yeah, that." Nickey could only sigh. "Like, whatever I guess."  
"Okay, you stay here while I'm gone," Smile whispered as he went to follow the broccoli-mobile. "I'm going in."  
"'Kay."

"Mom, are we there yet?" Roku asked, his voice deadpan like an ACT score.  
"How many times are you going to call me something other than your god?" MZD replied, almost sleeping at the wheel. Only there was no wheel in the broccoli-mobile. Except for the ones moving the wagon, of course. "Like, what's it going to be next? 'Daddy'?"  
"Be careful. He might actually do that." It's amazing how Jack can still talk while hacking up smog from his eggstreme eggventure.  
"Well…whatever," MZD whined. "Anyway, when we get back to the house—er, I mean…base, there's some chores that we have to do. I'll take care of the dishes while Jack can take out the trash. Not to mention that you still have to clean up all the eggshells on the driveway."  
"No I don't!" Jack protested, much like a snobby child. "Screw those goddamn eggshells. I'm 15 years old and I have more important stuff to do!"  
" **LANGUAGE, JACK!** " the god-boy screeched at the rowdy child, the sounds coming from his mouth akin to a pterodactyl crying. "You're going to pick up those eggshells whether you like it or not! And if you don't, I…I give Roku full-on permission to slice your bottom back into Hell! You'll do that, right Roku?"  
Silence.  
"…Roku? Roooku?!"  
The samurai was staring up at the stars above them, his mind still running in circles over that handsome, one-eyed banana dreamboat. If only there was some way to get him to notice him, then Roku would be the happiest broccoli-brother to ever walk the Earth. Maybe if he fought in front of him…or he could give him a gift! Something like…  
"HELLO?!" Roku's—er, night-dreaming was cut short with a quick blow to his head, stunning him for a minute as he proceeded to whine like a hurt 7th grader. Great, now there were two children whining in the car. "Wh-wh-what do you want?!" he yelped, staring at his god with wide eyes.  
"We're home. I want you to watch Jack and make sure he DOES HIS CHORES." MZD glanced over at Jack for a second, expecting a preschool-worthy objection, but there was none. "Both of you better not come into the base 'till that trash is taken out."  
"So I can't leave at all? Someone has to take me—"  
Roku was given another slap to the head.  
"You know what I meant!" MZD hissed, even though both Roku and Jack were snickering from the poorly-timed joke. "Dinner's gonna be late, but I still want you two to hurry." And with that, the musty, green door closed shut with a 'THUD', MZD leaving the other two alone in the street once the broccoli-mobile had been parked and locked.

Roku mindlessly watched Jack curse and grumble to himself each time he dropped an eggshell, for about…30 minutes. It felt like an hour though. It was here that the samurai decided he'll do something he'd never done before. He was going to sneak into the banana base after-hours and talk to Masamune.  
"…I have to use the bathroom." Roku declared with hesitation, "But we aren't allowed in the house yet. So I'm gonna go in the chinese restaurant's bathroom. Be right back."  
"Wait, can't you just—?" Jack couldn't even finish his sentence for his buddy was already high-tailing it back to the base, taking an alternative route to reach his destination in case some banana-boys were still up and about.

Speaking of banana boys, right after Roku had left, Jack caught the sight of a ghastly shadow sneaking up his way. "Whoa, real fuckin' neat burrito." he whispered to himself, hiding inside the now egg-filled trashcan to watch, as if THAT was a smart idea. After tonight, this boy isn't going to touch another egg for a year, without a doubt.

Smile had sneaked up to the broccoli base without hesitation, floating up to the door before he tried to rattle it. "Damn it, it's locked!" he huffed for a second. "Oh, wait. Why would that matter. I'm a ghost." Realizing the situation, Smile took a deep breath and floated through the door, concealing the banana-shaped pocketknife in the pocket of his magical trenchcoat. Since he was still like, invisible and whatever, poor old MZD couldn't even notice that the ghost was IN HIS HOUSE, like some blind old lady that lost her life-alert cooking some stew.

Now that Smile was inside the bedroom, all he had to do now was finish the job. Lifting up the knife in his hand, the ghost swiped the covers off the bed and stabbed down with a forceful jab. "AHA! HAHAHA….ha….ha?"  
The bed was empty, aside from a crudely-drawn picture of a banana being stabbed, signed with Roku's name, in kanji.

"WHAT THE HECK?!" Smile wailed, failing the only job he had. "THAT BASTARD'S SOMEWHERE IN THE STREETS!"  
Jack, who got scared from the ghastly screeching, tumbled out of the trash can like that Hastune Miku 'Rolling-Girl' video, and he was found immediately when Smile flew out of the house and heard his muffled coughing. The ghost wasted no time in grabbing the Hot Topic Rewards Member with a shaky but determined hand.

"WHERE IS ROKU." Smile demanded, cracking some eggshells with his boot.  
"He's squeezing the lemon. Making some lemonade."  
"What?"  
"Wringing the yogurt-slinger. Juicing the Bonger-Donger."  
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"  
"HE'S PEEING." Jack finally blubbered out, feeling threatened at the sight of Smile's banana-knife. Like bananas were the devil. "MZD's making dinner so he went to the, uh…chinese place down the street."  
Getting his answer, Smile dropped Jack back into the trash can, throwing some eggshell bits into the can before he flew off to the chinese restaurant, leaving Jack alone to curse about the fact that he had to pick up ALL THE EGGSHELLS AGAIN.  
Meanwhile, after climbing over two trees, five fences, and through some hobo's outhouse, Roku finally met eyes with Masamune through a window, watching him read the newest chapter to what looked like One Punch Man. Taking a deep breath, he lifted a shaky, dirty hand, and gave the window three hard knocks…


End file.
